i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
