Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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