Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
