my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
