I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
