the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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