Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
