So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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