someone get that fucking seahorse.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
