I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
