thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
