The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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