We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
