We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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