btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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