haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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