I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
