You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
