You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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