Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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