One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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