I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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