So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
