Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
