I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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