you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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