Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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