I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
