I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
