We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
