hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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