im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
