Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
