Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
