I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
