Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize