It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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