i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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