As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
