He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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