Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
