You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
