there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
