woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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