I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize