You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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