so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
