Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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