Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
