You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
