May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
