peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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