You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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