pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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