Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
