Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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