Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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