he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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