My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
