my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
