he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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