did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
