I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
