The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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