you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
