Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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