i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I AM VODKA MAN
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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