I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
