do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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