i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
