My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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