Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize