I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
