Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
