At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
