Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
