I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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