Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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