we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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